Older and wiser...and a lil in between...

The last few days have been a time of a lot of reflection for me.  My daughters birthday was on the fifteenth, and the anniversary of her death is on the eighteenth.  She would have been 13 years old.  It is a milestone birthday and one that has struck me a few times what could have been.  Although I know she is in a better place and happier and that in the end things did really work out for the best.  She would have suffered terribly had she lived with the health problems she would have had physically and mentally.

The outpouring of love and friendship from family and friends as always has amazed me.  You really know the friends and family who truly care, when they hug you and say I was thinking of you, praying for you...the text messages I received, phone calls, emails, facebook posts...it was beautiful and all I could think is how it made me proud to be Kayla's mom.  This was for her.  I want her to always be remembered.

What was disappointing was the ones who were silent, whether they chose not to say anything, or just didn't know, it really makes you stop and wonder...are people so involved in their own lives that they don't think a kind word could have made all the difference?  As I get older and start seeing through things clearer than I did before, you start to realize who to give your all too, and who to hold back.  I used to have this tendency in my life to people please, to give my all to everyone to the point of exhaustion.  I was always a giver.  Over time I realized this is not healthy or even cool.  At some point although it is great to be there for others, you can't at the cost of your own soul.  You have to learn to keep those who are there for you closer, and be there for them, and as for the ones who are just what I called acquaintances, well in the end that is what they are.  Just because you see someone daily, or spend a lot of time with them does not necessarily mean they are your friend.  Friend is a word that is tossed around quite abusively.  I believe friend is the person who is there for you through thick and then, who has seen you through your worst and just listens.  someone who will help you through good and bad times.  The person that you know without a doubt when something good or bad happens they are the first person you want to tell.  

I am lucky to say I have quite a few great friends, more than most.  I tend to build more meaningful relationships with those I consider true friends.  There is an old saying if you have one good friend you have more than most.

To my true friends out there (you know who you are), I thank you for always being there for me and also when I least expect it.  I love you for that.  I will always have your back too!

Inspiring moment!

Here it is February, and I realized I had not blogged since before Christmas because I have been so busy!  A dear friend of mine named Amy (who reads this) reminded me about my blog and it just inspired me more to share some of my strange but inspiring thought patterns today.  So where do I begin is the question...I literally could write a book..but alas I would need help on that! Let me add my thought patterns go all over the place trust me, even I have a hard time keeping up!

Well I started early January in my Anatomy and Physiology class which is very interesting but tough.  What inspires me in this class is our remarkable bodies and the physiology of it all.  Our bodies are made to heal themselves, quite literally!  Disease is just toxicity or in deficiency of something occurring in the body.  We actually have cells that their entire job is to just destroy toxins, and eat them and remove them from our bodies.  My first thought is hmmm, could this be the key to research with cancer eradication?   Each week we have a new chapter, the first two weeks was just on organelles and cells and ATP which is energy that our body produces.  Then we went into tissues and no I do not mean the puffs kind!  Tissues at first were BORING, but you have to admit you can't say that once you see the various tissues under a microscope they are like a universe in itself.  We went onto the skin and then onto the skeletal system this week.  Each week I learn new tidbits that just wow me.  One was my lab teacher mentioned that polar bears do not drink water, because they have enough adipose tissue (fat) that basically their body gets what it needs from itself.  Evolution at work!  

I know I probably sound like a nerd by now, but as I get older these things fascinate me and I wonder why when I was younger did I not enjoy the moment and the learning in the same way like I do now. There was a time that I did, but I became a teenager and it went out the window!  The saying if only we knew then what we know now holds so true.  We grow, we evolve physically, spiritually, emotionally and it is amazing what lessons are out there to be learned.  How much free education we have in our own country available at our fingertips!  You only have to go do the local library, pull any book off the shelf and learn new things each day.  I started to think about those less fortunate in other countries who would give anything to have what we have in our own country.  How blessed we truly are!  

As I have stated in earlier blogs I have lost so much in my life, but I also have gained so much.  Life is meant to be precious to gobble it up and just breathe in what is before us. I can remember a time or two when things got so dark for me during divorce, loss of a child..other things.  During those difficult times I forgot the beauty of it all because you focus on your own internal pain.  Healing takes time but when you do get to that place that you see so much around you ready to be plucked!  Then and only then can you truly learn what it is like to be happy.  Its about the moment now for me.  The tidbit I learn in class, the smile on a child's face when they discover something.  The personalities of my three fur kids.  (2 cats and 1 dog people!)  True happiness is inside it cannot be bought, sold or dependant on another.

Piece of advice though, sometimes enjoying the moment can make you become overwhelmed because you want to do it all.  You have to realize after much stress you can't.  Its impossible.  You are not super woman or man but a human being with a lot of faults and a lot to learn.  Baby steps, a day at a time (the name of this blog!) is what it takes.  

So my inspiring moments was realizing once again how lucky we have it, and to realize the potential of not only our physical bodies and the ability to heal, but our emotional selves and how far we can go.

Christmas miracles

3 days until Christmas!  I love this time of year, with all of its beauty of the season and the joy that it brings and just the refresher of knowing another time to renew and start over.  I had a few pleasant surprises from some people offering to do things that I wasn't financially able to do and just took care of it, and for that I am ever grateful. Its a great reminder when you know sometimes a tough time hits or a small nuisance yet somehow a little miracle comes about from either a kindness of a loved one, or friend or stranger.  I went to the eye doctor and have to go back in a few months as they found the beginning stages of diabetic retinopathy in one eye.  They believe it was due to the stress I had going back aways through divorce etc and that since I have come down on my meds and have been losing weight that in three months it may very well be gone, however it still is a wake up call and make you work even harder on something you already are working hard on.  Blessing in disguise if you may.  I started back at the gym, looking forward to water aerobics again and weights, and for the first time today I took a ZUMBA class and WOW.  It was fun, great, had some pains I wasn't used to, had to ice my back, but you really work up  a sweat, and I felt great (other than the back part LOL).  I plan to do that now regularly at least once a week while I cross train the other days.  This time of year I am really appreciating the little things more.  I realize a year ago so much had happened in a short time and through it well what doesn't kill you certainly does make you stronger!  Strength comes in many forms, a lot of people don't realize this...I know I didn't.  It is baby steps, sometimes a few steps forward and back, but one day you wake up and see where you are now, who you have become and where you were and who you were, and you see a difference in yourself.  I see it now more than ever.  The changes that came out of some tough situations have been for the better even though you never see it during the moment it is happening.

This magic moment....

I being a child of the 80s and teen of the early 90s still appreciate some of the old songs from the fifties, sixties and seventies.  The song playing in my head tonight over and over again tonight is the old song...this magic moment so different and so new...by the Drifters.  How ironic that this song plays in my head as I drive home from work this evening to see beautiful Christmas trees lit in the windows (yes even before Thanksgiving), and lights and shows in the yards of those who go all out.  There is one house down the street from where I live that reminds me of the Griswalds Christmas movie with Chevy Chase LOL.  Anyways I digress...  This really is a beautiful time of year to stop and look around and be thankful for what you truly have.  I have lost a lot in life (as so many have), divorce, a daughter who passed away 12 years ago, and more things...but it has only made me appreciate what I DO have all the more.  I have a lot to be thankful for.  I have watched my mom battle breast cancer last year and become a greater survivor than she already is.  I have been a greater survivor from what I have overcome in my own life. I am learning more and more every day who Jean is..and what I will accept and what I will not allow.  It is a good place for me.  One in which I don't fear the unknown anymore..I face it head on, daring it and embracing it.  I watch my three pets tonight, my dog, and my two cats, and boy animals love unconditionally, always wanting to please and demand attention that they crave just to know you love them.  They don't ask much, just to be fed, to snuggle, to be held or petted.  It is a simple peaceful approach that I wish in this busy life more people would embrace.  So many including myself have got caught in the busyness stopping to realize the beauty that surrounds them.  If we would take but a moment to embrace all that is before us, happiness is not only at your feet but within you.  This time of year, during the holidays it is a great time to remember what is important, who is important.  If I don't blog anymore before thanksgiving, I wish each of you a Happy Thanksgiving with your family and friends.

How many days until Turkey Day? and other creative things.

Here are some really neat cards I made today with friends.  Love stamping, its a real good creative outlet that I think we all need in this busy world!  I being the artist I am love to draw, paint, etc, but the one thing I seem to like to do regularly and do not necessarily have to be inspired (like when I draw or paint) is to make cards, as you can see in this blog.

I was busy organizing myself earlier today with some new thirty one products that I got for FREE for having a party and noticed that we are only a little over a week or so before THANKSGIVING!  SO..that being said, I need to start getting on the ball with a lot of things and soon.  CHOW!

Well it is hard to believe we are at the end of the year! I have never really blogged before, but I hear from so many how interesting and therapeutic it can be.  I see I blogged before when I used to sell Avon, and then stopped after one post, and of course I also stopped selling Avon!  I decided I needed to simplify things in my life. I have been through so much in my life, and have learned how simplifying things is so much less stress.  I don't want to say a lot here, I am rather a private person, and maybe in time I will open up a little more, but for now I am just trying out blogging and maybe keep it on discussion topics rather than anything else.  I was thinking the other day how we are so advanced with technology and its such a wonderful thing and I love playing around with computers, smart phones, I love to learn.  One thing I find though that is a downfall is so many people are starting to lose touch with not only themselves but with each other.  It is almost unheard of for some people to talk on the phone, everyone skypes or texts.  I think the skype idea is wonderful, but texting is good, but not at the cost of not being with someone, looking them in the eyes and connecting.  True connection in its finest form is eye contact.  Think about when you are in love with someone what is more beautiful than that lost in your eyes moment eh?  Well same with friendship, you can connect with someone on a much deeper level speaking to them, not at them via texting.  I am not saying I am against it in any way, I text quite often, but I also pick up the phone and call, and I also make time to have family time or friends time spending time with that person or group.  I don't want us to become a world that no one talks anymore, debates, jokes...and I am afraid some days that is where we are headed and its rather scary.  If anyone is reading this, take a few moments this week, call a friend, or a family member that you have not spoke to for awhile. I guarantee you won't be disappointed!